(DISCLAIMER: My grandmother is alive and well. This title is a reference to Brancher’s line from the Trolls Movie…for those of you who never watched it.)
Picture this–you have a free day. You’ve done everything you need to, everything that’s good for you, now what?
You’d probably want to do something and spend your day being productive, or creating, or playing Fortnite or watching TikTok or whatever you do. I don’t know.
After doing a bit of whatever, you decide to do something that wasn’t planned: Play a calming video game.
It’ll do you good, right?
So you sit down, fire up your PlayStation/Switch/Xbox/PC, and open the game, thinking, “Oh, I’m just gonna do one thing and then move on.”
Then you’re sitting there three hours later still playing. Because you found more stuff to take care of.
Then it’s midnight…and you’re still sitting there. Heck, Fredbear and his buddies are already up and they’re just watching you play.
And you’re wondering why don’t you just put down the controller and go to sleep, or even just take a break. You’re just running around, after all. Nothing special.
But you can’t.
Sounds like a horror story? Well, spoiler alert: this happens.
Especially if you play the game mentioned in the title.
Welcome to Slime Rancher, a life on the planet called the “Far, Far Range” where you find random slimes, feed them, and sell their Plorts (basically their poop) for monies.
That either sounds boring or not so bad, right? Not too hard to quit, right? Just put the thing down and go on with your life.
Unfortunately, you have been deceived.
Just as I was.
Slime Rancher, when started, makes you run around to feed your slimes, sell their plorts, and unlock new areas.
And there’s always something to do.
Be that find more slimes, plant a garden, build a coop, feed the slimes, or even fulfill requests from other ranchers.
Using the Range Exchange, a service that allows other rangers (but not you, the game would be too easy then) to send in requests for you to complete in exchange for something else (e.g. 5 >insert game fruit here<, 3 >insert game veggie here< for 2 >insert game chicken here<, 3 >insert any Slime Plort here<, and 500 Newbucks). Different characters want different things, but will give you pretty much anything else except Slimes (because you get them on your own):
Viktor Humphries (my personal favorite) wants Slimes, Ogden Ortiz wants Fruits and Veggies, Mochi Miles wants Slime Plorts, BOb wants Chickens (that is not a typo. He is three pink slimes in a trenchcoat so), and Thora West will ask for a mix of all of them.
(Her quests are usually the worst though. She gives you pretty much nothing. Accept literally anyone else. Even if it’s Viktor and you have no slimes.)
(Also you get no rewards for partially completing quests. When unsure if you can complete the quest, keep everything in your Vacpack until you have all of it.)
Unlocking certain areas and trading with these peoples will allow you to go to more special areas where the Range Exchange people live (eg. unlocking the Indigo Quarry, the Grotto, and completing a trade with Mochi Miles allows you to go to her manor). These quests can involve you doing things to make monies and get rewards.
The Range Exchange is great for early game stuff–and later game if you lack plorts. Also it’s good if you run out of stuff to do…which you never will since you’ll get stuck in a loop of playing. Basically forever.
I’m only playing on Casual because that was my first save setting and you can’t change it. Unlike most games (Fire Emblem: Engage) where you can change the save difficulty if you’re bored/struggling, you can never change a Slime Rancher save. Which does make sense as it would cheat through Rush Mode (earn a ton of Newbucks in little time) and kind of Adventure Mode (with Tarr Outbreaks and despawning them). So can’t really complain.
All in all, Slime Rancher has stuff to do.
And you may never complete it all.
Or you may, with enough playing.
But what do I know, I stopped playing to do other stuff.
Anyway, what happens at the end of Slime Rancher?
I don’t know. Find out yourself.
Or maybe don’t play this game and be an acceptable member of society. Your choice.
(Please take breaks when playing.)
Well, that’s it. I’ve already been talking for too long.
Enjoy the rest of your summer…and don’t spend all of it playing Slime Rancher.
Bye bye :))))
– Solus