Hi guys I’m talking about classics again :DD
But anyway this one is a lighter post 😀
Because some person I was talking to dared to say classics were BORING.
The auDAcity.
Before anyone asks why I’m so mad or thinks it–I love mythology very very much. And the primary sources are amazing.
Classics are not BORING. They are beautiful poems and thematically powerful works. They hold knowledge and stories of old, and life lessons that can be cherished by all.
…Also, they’re hilarious.
If you want proof, here are some of my favorite moments from Classics Works.
- Heracles being mad for HOW LONG?
So I made a post recently about the Argonautica and Jason’s family tree. But did you know that Heracles was an Argonaut?
While he was doing his Twelve Labors (after he had completed his 4th) he went to join Jason on his quest to get back the Golden Fleece. He stayed with them through Lemnos, but when the Argonauts reached Kios (the land of the Mysians), Heracles’s squire named Hylas gets kidnapped by some nymph inhabiting the Pegai spring. Heracles and a crew member named Polyphemus (not a cyclops) went to look for him and ended up getting left behind by the Argo.
Jason was like “Oh poopy should we go look for them” but Zetes and Calais (sons of Boreas) were like “Nah they’ll be fine” and this sea god Glaucus comes up and is like “nah Heracles got crap to do and Polyphemus gotta go found a city” so Jason is like “ok”
Then, after Heracles’s TENTH LABOR (not sure how far spaced the labor are but I know they took a LONG time), he’s MAD about getting left behind, hunts down Zetes and Calais, MURDERS them, and puts their bodies under pillars, now called the Pillars of Heracles at the Straits of Gibraltar. (The Atlantic-Mediterranean gate).
HE WAS SO MAD BUT HE HAD CRAP TO DO BRO
- The Odyssey as a whole (Penguin Classics translation)
So the Odyssey is probably known by most people as Epic: The Musical. And probably some boring classics work, so why read it when you have a musical?
Well, Epic gets some stuff wrong (I love Epic SO much but I have to say it), and the Odyssey has some HILARIOUS moments.
Like when Odysseus allots 9 goats to each of his 12 ships, but took 10 GOATS FOR HIMSELF (what a biggie)
Or when Telemachus wakes Peisistratus up by KICKING HIM (I love them so much)
But my favorite part is when everyone calls eachother bald/fat/ugly.
See, when Odysseus is disguised as a beggar, he enters the dining hall and Eurymachus, one of the suitors, says something to the effect of, “Hey where’s this bright light coming from if we have no torches? OH it must be from this beggar’s BALD HEAD”
Odysseus responds with something like “Oh yeah? Well you see that door? If Odysseus were to come home and you were to try and run away, you’d find, even though that door is VERY wide, it’d be TOO NARROW FOR YOU TO PASS THROUGH” (i’m crying i love this quote)
There are MANY more quotes which are passive-aggressive threats and insults, but these are my favorites.
(Note that this translation has a misprint–Proteus turns into a BOAR not a BEAR. But other than that the translation is awesome.)
- The Comedies
Okay, this one isn’t mythology, but I love this too much.
So there’s this Roman comedian named Terrence, and he wrote comedic plays. I read a bit of a collection of his plays called “The Comedies,” specifically the work titles “The Girl From Andros.”
THIS PLAY IS PEAK COMEDY
There’s a line about throwing babies into mud, an Oedipus reference, and this exchange (paraphrased):
“No, no, he can’t come do this!”
“Why?”
“He is tied up.”
“That’s not a proper thing to do.”
“Well, I told them to do it properly.”
“Well, tell them to undo it please.”
“Okay.”
YOU DO NOT NEED CONTEXT THIS TRANSLATION IS
I do NOT recall which exact translation I had but I DO know the cover looked similar to this:
But anyway THIS IS PROOF THAT CLASSICS ARE FUNNY
No admit you’re wrong :33
Okay bye 😀